The question: Who would win in a triple threat match between Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Blade, and David, the leader of the Lost Boys?
My Answer:
Well, to start off we should just go ahead and eliminate David from the Lost Boys (and if I can be frank, I love the Lost Boys so it’s as hard for me as it is for you). Any vampire or gang of vampires that could be brought down by one to two Coreys certainly isn’t going to hold up against two certified vampire hunters. Don’t get wrong here, David has a lot going for him in this contest; he’s young and reckless, has a dirt bike for easy getaways, and even a killer underground lair to throw a victory party. However, without the victory there will be no party for David and I’m afraid it’s time for him to hang up the dangly earring.
Moving on, the competition that is left is between Blade and Buffy. For all purposes related to this essay I will be using Buffy from the 1992 film, not the tv series. Blade is the obvious choice right out of the gate because of all the gadgets he is able to buy and craft thanks to his Ray Ban endorsement. And while Buffy isn’t a vampire, take a vampire tooth shiv , or a cross shooting rifle, or holy water coated brass knuckles (etc, etc, whatever else Blade has under that trench coat) to her and she will go down…probably easier than a vampire. She will go down like a human. The mere fact that we are pitting a “super” human against a human isn’t entirely fair while we’re on the subject of humanity. What does Buffy have going for her? I’ll tell you. 90’s sex appeal, and although Blade wears sunglasses, he ain’t too blind to notice hot pink tights and a day glo sports bra. If Buffy were to properly use this 90’s color palette and her school girl looks to distract the daywalker, she could easily use her agile cheerleading skills to back bend a stake right into his heart. Hey, Stephen Dorff almost killed him, and that guy usually seems quite medicated so she’s got a shot right?
Who am I kidding, Blade has a sword. He wins.
